Alpine Grief

I wade into grief slowly
as if it were an alpine lake
each step with breathless gasping
its frigid bite meeting warm skin.
So I wait
until each body part
grows numb
the thousand poking needles
blunted
as if a thin paper
suddenly shields my skin.
Finally, I am immersed
and I carefully tilt back my head
to press my nose
into the air
as the water covers my face.
I wait
feeling the throbbing cold
complete its path
through my skin, muscles, nerves, and bones
until it hits my core
until I am fully conscious
of my submersion.
And then, only then
do I slowly turn around
layer by layer
my body emerges
dripping, sodden
trembling
until I stand on dry ground
once more.
But even then
the memory of the dark waters
remains in the faint, shimmering droplets
perched on my skin
sending goose-bumped shivers
across my body.

The Dance

I shyly turn towards God
eyes lowered
bashfully aware
of my pock-marked soul
my greedy agenda
my sucking thirst for affirmation.

And yet
like a whisper of grasses
lisping across your skin
as you stride through the meadow's faint path
I feel the first fruits
of a healing touch
so potent and powerful
that I dance around its spotlight
putting one toe in
feeling a shiver of delight
before quickly drawing it out.

My courage grows
I put two arms in
but the shocking reality
of a love unconditional
is too much
I quickly draw them out.
My self protective fierceness
like China’s great wall
slowly crumbling
not against my will
but still slowly
as my reticent modesty
fears too much
too soon.

But
naked one day
I will stand
without shame
fully embracing
the wondrous delight
of being loved.