Spinal Tap: Part 2 "Normal or just plain fishy?"

Dr. Ray Pevey is a strange man. Sometimes he seems borderline normal, but other times it seems that he pushes some kind of button and goes into an "auto-mode" chiropractic sales pitch.

Being as I had never had any chiropractic experience before, I tried to keep an open mind throughout the experience, although some parts of it made me a little uneasy. The office was one of those "used-to-be-house" type places decorated in a hunter green with pink accents. However, there was a front waiting room and a receptionist who seemed refreshingly normal.

As I was waiting for my appointment, I picked up a big binder with raving patient testimonials...the problem was most that of them were for a "Dr. Hess". Of the 4 or 5 that were singing Dr. Pevey's praises, one had a line that made me shudder: "It took 3 electric shock treatments before Dr. Pevey could even start working on my shoulder...." Electric shock treatments?

First, I was forced to watch a propagandaish video that detailed the entire educational process for chiropractors, narrated by a polite woman's voice that frequently assured me: "Your chiropractor is well-educated". Finally, Dr. Pevey sailed in to get me started. I was a little taken aback when he instructed me to take off my clothes and put on a hospital-type gown with Velcro in the back. After he left, I stared at the gown for a couple of minutes. "I wasn't expecting this," I thought. "What are my options here?" I opened the door just slightly and peered out into the hallway where I saw another patient clad in blue gown following another doctor (probably Hess..the guy with the fan club) down the hallway. "Okay," I thought. "So it is not just me...I guess it is standard procedure. My chiropractor is well-educated."

I donned the gown and then went through a series of tests and x-rays. Nothing bad happened, but I was mortified when I also had to walk down the hall in my gown of the "used-to-be-house" to the x-ray room. "Oh, Melody," Dr. Pevey boomed in a rather loud voice. "I'm really glad you came in, I think you came in just in time before some of your issues go too far down the line."

At the end, Dr. Pevey informed me that he had to "carefully analyze all the data" to come up with conclusive, comprehensive answers and recommendations and told me to come in the next week for the results. In retrospect, it wasn't too bad....except when I told my roommate about it (who has been to many chiropractors)and she said she never had to do most of that stuff. Hmmmmmmm......

Spinal Tap

We who live on the financial edge are drawn to the word "FREE" like an overheated dog to a pool of water. And so I found my legs heading over to the sign with said word at the Monrovia Street Fair.

"Mmmmm, " I thought as I saw the sign that read: Free Spinal Screening. I pictured a mealy-mouthed man with slicked-back greasy hair running his fingers down my spine. I kept walking past the booth.

"But when will I have another opportunity to get a spinal screening?" I thought. "I mean, I have been having trouble with my knee and foot." One minute later, I found myself in front of the smiley woman with the clipboard.

Initially, I was very suspicious of Dr. Ray Pevey who looked like an ex-body builder gone doctor. "A little too polished," I thought, "for someone who has biceps that big".

However, he conducted himself with utmost courtesy and validated my own suspicions: my pelvis looked to be out of alignment. He then offered me a fantastic deal...a full screening at his clinic that was regularly $195 for only $20! My suspicions were slightly alerted again when he mentioned "neurological testing" as one of the many tests they do (perhaps I am just chiropracticaly ignorant, but what do neurology tests have to do with your posture?) But somehow, before I knew it, I was signing up for the series of tests for next Friday. Although I have been known to be suckered before, Dr. Pevey does have a real business card and his smiley receptionist gave me a receipt, so it MUST be okay, right? After all, I can always flee the premises if it turns out to be a shady deal. Misaligned pelvis or not, I feel confident I can outrun Dr. Pevey with those big biceps weighing him down. What a great deal!