American Gladiators or Bust!

The line that you see in this picture was my home for 8 hours on Saturday. Now, you might assume that if I was standing in line for 8 hours, I must have had a very noble and important reason. Feeding the hungry? To see Billy Graham? To get important immunization shots?

Actually, the truth is....I tried out for American Gladiators. I will admit that I dreamed about it for a few nights straight before the actual tryouts. In my dreams, my physical prowess awed the producers and other hopefuls, and the force of my personality captured their attention to where they exclaimed: "We must have this woman on our show!"

However, I must admit that my mental stamina was somewhat worn down by the 8 hour line, although I had plenty of entertainment from my new best friends standing with me. The lady in front was a body-builder model dressed in a skimpy bikini top, camo pants, and sporting long bleached-blond hair and a convienent Italian accent. Every time T.V. cameras went by, they pulled her for an interview. Looking slightly disheveled in my t-shirt and sporty pants, I grinned behind her, hoping the cameras might pick up my presence.

When my turn finally came, it was dark and the A.G. people were crabby and tired. I started on my pull-ups, and was stymied at 5, although all the guys behind me watching were bellowing, " Come on, get up there...beat it! Beat it!" I think my best event was the sprints...although I was heaving strongly, I was able to speed up my last couple to finish strong. Feeling like I was going to throw up, I rested my hands on my knees. "Are you okay?" my tester said to me. I quickly jerked up and pasted a sunny smile on my face. "Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm great!"

My interview with the producer was where I made virtually no impression. Sneakily, they have you interview about a minute after you finish the sprints. Disoriented (and still in the dark) all my planned out witty and catchy answers flew right out of my head. I'm not exactly sure what I answered to some of his questions, but much to my chagrin, I do remember ending one of my answers with the words "and stuff", which trailed off into an ellipsis rather than a period.

Well, all I can say is, I've done my Hollywood duty!

Catching up, misadventures, and other matters

It's been so long since I have written, I'm pretty positive that the only one who is still checking my blog is my mother. However, I have decided to start writing again as a stress relief and life-documentation.

Recently, I travelled up to Fresno to say goodbye to my dear friends the Cosbys. The goodbye dinner was bittersweet for me: present was the joy of reconnecting with old friends who had become like family to me, and the sadness of coming to terms with life's inevitable changes.

The next day, I woke up sad and pensive, and it was in this state that I agreed to accompany the Barkers to Grampo's farm. This was perhaps my first central valley farm experience, and there is just something about being out in the fresh air surrounded by growing things that can revive a person.

However, it wasn't the delicious three course meal that snapped me out of melancholy, nor the brandy in my after-lunch coffee that Grampo insisted I try. Rather, it was the invigorating, freeing, and somewhat out-of-control ATV ride.

For some reason, Jamie's husband Brad thought I should drive, so he taught me the finer points of navigating the gears and gas, and then Jamie and I were off. My first few moments of flying through the vineyards with Nattie and the other dogs tearing along side were glorious. What is it about going fast on a small motor vehicle that makes a person so happy? As we rounded a corner, Jamie yelled in my ear: "Look at Nattie!" I turned my head and she was galloping through the vineyards...a noble beast of grace and beauty(ok, that last phrase was a bit over the top!).

Unfortunately, when I turned my head, I also turned the steering wheel, and we veered off the road, straight toward the vineyard. From there, everything went into slow motion: Jamie shrieking wildly in my ear, the rapidly approaching fence and vines, my mental numbness and acceptance of our fate.

With a loud thump, we rammed into one of the grape vines, uprooting it. Realizing we were unharmed, we began laughing hysterically. Since I did not know how to put it in reverse(and I had completely forgotten I actually had brakes), we put it into neutral, pushed it back onto the road, and re-planted the grapevine.

Nothing like a little adrenaline to snap you out of a funk!