American Gladiators or Bust!

The line that you see in this picture was my home for 8 hours on Saturday. Now, you might assume that if I was standing in line for 8 hours, I must have had a very noble and important reason. Feeding the hungry? To see Billy Graham? To get important immunization shots?

Actually, the truth is....I tried out for American Gladiators. I will admit that I dreamed about it for a few nights straight before the actual tryouts. In my dreams, my physical prowess awed the producers and other hopefuls, and the force of my personality captured their attention to where they exclaimed: "We must have this woman on our show!"

However, I must admit that my mental stamina was somewhat worn down by the 8 hour line, although I had plenty of entertainment from my new best friends standing with me. The lady in front was a body-builder model dressed in a skimpy bikini top, camo pants, and sporting long bleached-blond hair and a convienent Italian accent. Every time T.V. cameras went by, they pulled her for an interview. Looking slightly disheveled in my t-shirt and sporty pants, I grinned behind her, hoping the cameras might pick up my presence.

When my turn finally came, it was dark and the A.G. people were crabby and tired. I started on my pull-ups, and was stymied at 5, although all the guys behind me watching were bellowing, " Come on, get up there...beat it! Beat it!" I think my best event was the sprints...although I was heaving strongly, I was able to speed up my last couple to finish strong. Feeling like I was going to throw up, I rested my hands on my knees. "Are you okay?" my tester said to me. I quickly jerked up and pasted a sunny smile on my face. "Oh, yeah, yeah, I'm great!"

My interview with the producer was where I made virtually no impression. Sneakily, they have you interview about a minute after you finish the sprints. Disoriented (and still in the dark) all my planned out witty and catchy answers flew right out of my head. I'm not exactly sure what I answered to some of his questions, but much to my chagrin, I do remember ending one of my answers with the words "and stuff", which trailed off into an ellipsis rather than a period.

Well, all I can say is, I've done my Hollywood duty!